i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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