Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
