We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
