I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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