this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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