y did u give ur computer a hand job?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
