you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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