Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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