ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
