No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
