I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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