im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
