if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want to be your penis for a week.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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