I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I want to make a zoo with you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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