How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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