He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
