Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
