if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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