i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
