we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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