He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
