Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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