If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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