My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
