Welp...herpes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
