Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
