Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
