the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize