he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
