similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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