Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
