I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
