dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
