I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm experimenting with sincerity
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
