I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
