She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
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I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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