i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
