i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
