I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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