Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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