just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
