im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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