I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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