I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
