Pants 0. Shit 1.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
