apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
