bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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