If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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