It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
