Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
