and she was petting her beer can
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
