I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
