thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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