I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
