I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
