the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
