also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
