my vag is so smooth its legendary
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
