Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am available for nakedness
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