the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
