I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
