he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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