Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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