he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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