I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
