its not stalking. its research.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
