When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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