After last night, I could never be a politician.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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